Mindfulness Changes Series (021) – It is High Time We Changed the Questions We Ask

Introduction

In life, the quality of your questions determines the quality of your life, both your personal and professional life. When you ask the right question, you open yourself up to new opportunities, new insights, and new solutions. On the other hand, when you ask the wrong question, you end up confused, frustrated, stagnant, and limited in your growth. Questions unlock our potential and lead us to growth and fulfillment. They help us to question assumptions, gain clarity, and see the world from a new perspective. By asking questions that are thought-provoking, you stimulate your brain and broaden your perspective.

 

My awakening through inquiry

Have you ever thought that your quality of questions is equal to your quality of life? Up until this point in my life I knew one side of my life. I lived in my own little world where I didn’t care about anything that was going on around me. I was living in the dark, I was ignorant, but I wasn’t aware of it. The questions that the person in the picture above is asking are some of the ones that were running through my head day in and day out.

 

Why me, why am I not loved, why am I so unlucky? What are people going to say? Why doesn’t anyone love me? Why do I always feel sad? How can they say I’m rude? I didn’t have the motivation, the growth, the will to change, the will to learn, and I was content with the life that I had. People around me would say things about my character, but I would just ignore it until last year.

 

In December of last year, 2022, I reached a turning point in my life. It was a significant moment as I found myself questioning things for the first time. As a reminder, in my second blog post, I discussed the upcoming change I was about to embark on. I detailed my dilemma of feeling broken down and burned out, and the need for a transformation. I yearned for something new and fulfilling, and I desired to alter my perspective and disregard others’ opinions. Until December 2022, I had never truly questioned the path I was on. However, during that time, a sense of emptiness had consumed my heart. Among the inquiries I pondered and shared in my second blog post were.

 

Why do I act the way I do? What makes a difference in people’s lives? How do I change my character? How do I change my approach and the outlook when the world seems to be crushing around me? Why is it that some things come easily to others yet seems so hard for me? Isn’t there a way for me to become a better person? How did I even get to this point of breaking down? How have I lived for all these years now and yet feel like I haven’t truly lived the life that I desire to live? Why do I feel so empty? What am I known for?

 

These were a few of the inquiries that fueled the significant personal development achieved this year. I began to clearly perceive the negativity that had permeated my life. I observed certain aspects that I no longer desired to have in my life, such as worry, rudeness, laziness, negativity, and lack of motivation, among others. Questions began to occupy my thoughts. Every action I took, every place I found myself in (be it church, workplace, learning environment, or workshop), every person I encountered, every task I undertook, and every challenge or setback I faced was accompanied by a challenging question. My curiosity refused to release its grip on me. I never anticipated that these constant questions were propelling me towards personal growth.

 

An invaluable practice I cultivated this year

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to delve into John C. Maxwell’s book, “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth.” One of the laws that particularly resonated with me was the law of self-reflection, which emphasizes the importance of pausing in order to allow personal growth to catch up with us. This realization prompted me to evaluate my own life and recognize that I had been constantly moving forward nonstop without taking the time to pause and reflect. Consequently, I wholeheartedly embraced the practice of self-reflection, which now serves as a continuous tool for asking myself tough questions without passing judgment. To ensure its integration into my routine, I dedicated specific time in my weekly schedule for reflection and created a designated space where I could intentionally engage in this process.

 

The practice of self-reflection has greatly contributed to my personal growth, surpassing my initial expectations. Through this practice, I have become a significantly improved individual. Along my journey of growth, I have encountered numerous challenges, but the habit of self-reflection has served as my compass, guiding me through challenges and keeping me on track.

 

By engaging in self-reflection, I have gained a deeper understanding of my experiences and the world around me. This understanding has empowered me to make necessary changes in my life. I have diligently questioned various aspects of my life, including the people I interact with, the environments I inhabit, the work I engage in, the friendships I cultivate, my place of residence, my place of employment, my daily activities, the knowledge I acquire, and the factors that influence my behaviors. Through this introspection, I have been able to make informed decisions and shape my life in a more meaningful way.

 

As the year 2023 draws to a close, I observe that the inquiries I have been posing have played a significant role in my personal development. These questions have not only contributed to my own growth, but have also enhanced my life, making it more meaningful and satisfying. If you take a closer look at all my written blogs, you will notice that I consistently conclude with thought-provoking questions. This practice has not been for just design, but rather aimed at fostering a sense of curiosity and a mindset focused on growth, both for myself and for you.

 

Factors to consider when crafting quality questions

Not all questions are the same. The quality of the questions we ask ourselves, and the questions we ask others, can differ significantly in terms of depth and impact. Questions that are unclear, lack focus, or lack relevance may not lead to meaningful answers or personal development. On the other hand, questions that are well-constructed can lead to conversations, self-awareness, and positive change. Here are a few things to keep in mind when creating quality questions:

 

• Open-Ended: Open-ended questions encourage exploration of different ideas and perspectives. Ask questions that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”
• Specificity: Specific questions help clarify goals and guide us towards actionable steps. Start your question with “What” or “How” to ensure it is specific and clear.
• Reflective: Reflective questions help us gain self-awareness and gain insight into our own thoughts and feelings. Reflect on your own experiences or insights to generate meaningful questions from the different areas of life.
• Empathetic: Asking empathetic questions helps us build and maintain positive relationships, fostering understanding, and demonstrating genuine concern for others. Ask questions aimed at demonstrating empathy and understanding towards yourself or others.
• Inquisitive: Inquisitive questions cultivate curiosity in us, wanting us to explore and learn more. Asking open-ended questions encourages curiosity which results in more learning.
• Empowering: Empowering questions point us towards our strengths and capabilities. Ask questions that point out your strengths and capabilities instead of your weaknesses?

The impact of quality questions

Although I have not yet reached my desired destination, I have made significant progress in my personal growth journey. Despite encountering obstacles along the way, I have consistently asked myself thought-provoking questions and reflected on my thoughts, beliefs, and actions. This habit has been instrumental in my transformation and evolution this year. One pivotal moment involved questioning my rude behavior and exploring my assumptions and choices, leading to a profound shift in my perspective.

 

As a result, I now approach individuals and myself with empathy, and my communication skills have improved. I have also challenged my fears and doubts, written my first book, invested in my first flight, and embraced a growth mindset. All of these accomplishments were made possible because of the quality questions I asked myself in December 2022 and the actions I took to achieve my goals. Asking quality questions has the power to change our lives, and I am excited to continue my personal growth journey.

 

Examples of Quality Questions in the different areas of life

John C. Maxwel said that “good questions are the heart of reflection” and whenever he takes time to pause and reflect, he asks himself a question. When it comes to personal growth, John Maxwel emphasizes asking good questions. I found John’s habit really interesting and so I started practicing it too. This year I have done lots of self-reflection and I testify that this practice has enabled me to understand myself better and thus grow personally in unimaginable ways. When doing self-reflection asking quality questions is very important because it allows you explore various aspects of your life. Here are examples of quality questions in different areas of life that you can start asking, each designed to prompt thoughtful self-examination and guide you towards greater clarity, personal growth, and fulfillment.

 

Area	Instead of Asking	Try asking
Values and Priorities	What should I do or what do I believe in?	What are my core values, and how can I incorporate them into my daily life? Or In what ways can I actively live out my values in my daily life? What activities or relationships bring me the most joy and fulfillment? How can I prioritize my time and energy to focus on what truly matters to me? What principles are non-negotiable for me? In what ways can I actively live out my values in my daily life?
Goals and Aspirations	What do I want to achieve?	What are my long-term goals, and how can I break them down into smaller, achievable steps? What skills or knowledge do I need to develop to reach my desired outcomes? Am I setting goals that align with my values and passions?
Career and Ambitions	What job should I pursue or be doing? Where do I see myself in five years? How can I be more passionate about my work?	What excites me or What activities make me lose track of time and feel energized? What skills do I have to develop in the next five years? What aspects of my job excite me, and how can I focus on those?
Personal Growth	How can I improve?	What feedback have I received recently, and how can I use it to grow? In what areas of my life do I feel stuck or unfulfilled, and what steps can I take to move forward? What habits or mindsets might be hindering my personal development?
	What should I read next?	What do I need to learn from this book? or What is my intention in reading this?
	What’s holding me back?	What are my strengths and how can I leverage them to overcome challenges?
Decision-Making	Is this the right choice?	What are the potential outcomes and consequences of each option? Do my decisions align with my long-term vision and values? What advice would I give to a friend facing a similar decision?
Relationships	How can I improve my relationships?	What qualities do I value in my relationships, and am I embodying those qualities? Am I communicating effectively and actively listening to others? Are there toxic relationships or negative patterns that I need to address or let go of?
	What kind of friends/partner do I want?	What qualities do I appreciate in my current relationships?
	How can I make more friends?	What activities align with my interests where I can meet like-minded individuals?
	Why do they always make me so angry?	What can I learn from this situation? or What can I do to improve my communication or behavior?
Time Management	Where does my time go?	What activities contribute most to my well-being and goals? Am I spending time on activities that align with my priorities? How can I create a more balanced and intentional schedule?
Gratitude and Positivity	What went wrong today?	What am I grateful for today? What positive moments did I experience, and how can I build on them? How can I approach challenges with a more optimistic mindset?
Stress and Well-being	Why am I stressed?	What self-care activities bring me relaxation and joy? Are there sources of stress that I can eliminate or manage more effectively? How can I create a healthier work-life balance?
Health and Well-being	What should I eat?	What does my body need? or What lifestyle changes can I incorporate to improve my health? What benefit or risk does this food add to my health?
Finances	Why is my financial situation bad or why do I little money? Why do I earn tittle salary	What steps can I take to reduce our expenses and increase savings? What can I invest in based on my current earning? Which people have succeeded financially and what characters do they have that I can embrace? What skill can I develop to raise my earning ability

 

Conclusion

The journey of personal growth is tied to the quality of questions we ask ourselves. My awakening through inquiry, particularly in December 2022, marked a turning point in my life. The power of thought-provoking questions led me to self-reflection, a practice I wholeheartedly embraced, inspired by John C. Maxwell’s insights in “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth.” Through consistent self-reflection, I navigated challenges, questioned assumptions, and sought meaningful answers, resulting in profound personal development. The invaluable practice of self-reflection became a constant companion on my journey, guiding me through life and providing clarity when faced with dilemmas. This intentional pause allowed personal growth to catch up with my forward momentum, leading to a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me.

 

As the year 2023 draws to a close, I recognize the pivotal role that thoughtfully crafted questions played in my achievements. Asking questions is a lifelong journey that helps us navigate the complexities of life. The quality of questions we ask determines the quality of our lives, opening doors to new opportunities and personal growth. By cultivating a habit of asking quality questions, we can empower ourselves to uncover valuable insights, make informed decisions, and lead more meaningful lives. So, the next time you find yourself faced with a question, take a moment to reflect on its quality and its potential impact. The question you ask, if at all it is a quality question may just lead you to the life you desire.

 

Reflection

What questions have you been asking yourself, consciously or unconsciously, and how have they influenced your journey of self-discovery and development? As you consider the power of asking quality questions in your own life, take a moment to reflect on this: What area of my life could benefit the most from a shift in the questions I ask myself or others? And what might be a thought-provoking question I could start asking in that area to catalyze personal growth and positive change?

**********Thank you for sparing your time to read*********